Hold Me Close
by The Forgotten Nobody
Summary: Magnus has seen many frightening sights during his extended lifetime but few come close to seeing Alec throw himself off that ledge. Spoilers for 2x08


_I was really hoping for a scene like this at the end of the ep and was disappointed that it didn't happen._ _As I have only watched Shadowhunters (and binge-watched it at that) there may be some inaccuracies._

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Magnus has seen many frightening sights during his extended lifetime but few come close to seeing Alec throw himself off that ledge. His boyfriend may have been under the influence of a spell but it hadn't created the feelings of guilt and self-loathing that had driven Alec to the rooftop, only enhanced them. Thinking that one day Alec could reach that point, _without_ the influence of a spell, absolutely terrifies Magnus.

Magnus is no strange to losing his loves, it's the very reason he'd sworn it off for as long as he had. Each time it's positively agonising and Magnus knows for certain that despite how little time he and Alec had so far shared together, it would be just as heart-breaking, if not more so, to lose him now.

And so, he feels he can't be blamed for wanting Alec close where he can at least pretend that nothing can hurt him, where he can reach out and make sure he's truly still there and his imagination isn't playing tricks on him as it's prone to do. Fortunately, Alec is of a similar mind-set, asking once the remainder of their group have left if he can stay the night.

Considering how hectic the night has been, they don't hesitate before preparing for bed and apart from trips to the bathroom; Magnus keeps his sight set on Alec. He realises his behaviour is a bit overdramatic but well… it's certainly not a hardship appreciating the view as Alec slips into his sweat pants while Magnus puts on his own silken pyjamas.

Together they slide beneath the bedsheets and Magnus rests his head upon Alec's chest, lightly running his fingers through the fine dusting of hair that adorns it. Alec's arm curls around him and Magnus feels the tension that had been running through him start to bleed out at the contact. He contemplates bringing up the evening's events but quickly dismisses the thought. Alec has a habit of being terribly tight-lipped about such matters and Magnus doesn't to risk driving him away, especially when they both need the intimacy. He'll wait until a more suitable time.

Sadly, Magnus' subconscious doesn't get the memo.

Both Magnus and Alec have their fair share of nightmares however they're dealt with quite differently. With Alec, Magnus' magic is attuned to him and so when his heartrate quickens and his body twitches during the clutches of a bad dream, the Warlock is able to promptly wake and soothe his tormented shadowhunter. Magnus, on the other hand, very rarely wakes Alec with his nightmares. Years of practice has meant that he's able deal with them silently and swiftly so that his boyfriend is none the wiser.

Or, so he'd thought. Clearly opening his heart once more has led to a regression in that particular talent of his.

He dreams of being too late, of seeing Alec fall and being powerless to stop it. They're obvious nightmares, predictable, but even so it doesn't stop him from waking with Alec's name leaving his lips as a pained gasp, nor stop his body from flinging itself upwards so violently that he knocks his boyfriend into awareness himself.

"Magnus? What is it?" Once of Alec's hands is on his shoulder, the other turning on the bedside lamp, and he appears seconds away from bolting out of bed to hunt the perceived threat. Magnus keeps him bed-bound by grasping hold of his bicep, a tad tighter than he means to. He takes a deep breathe; dispelling the lingering images from the nightmare, and is slightly disconcerted at how shaky the exhale is. Alec's other hand rubs down the side of his arm.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly and Magnus swallows back the lie that immediately springs to the tip of his tongue. If anything has proved they need to speak about what happened sooner rather than later, it's this. Now, he just needs to think of a way to bring it up delicately.

"It appears last night's events have left me…rather unsettled," he begins. He twists his neck to gauge Alec's response and sees his jaw tighten. His hands leave Magnus, instantly leaving him feel cold and bereft.

"I understand that you would likely prefer to not speak about it but I fear I won't get a restful night's sleep if we don't," Magnus says honestly. He shifts so that he's facing Alec and can reclaim the shadowhunter's calloused hands in his own.

"There's nothing to talk about," Alec says, tone laced with frustration but whether it is towards Magnus, himself, or the both of them, the Warlock can't tell. "It was the spell. I wouldn't have done it otherwise. That's it."

"But you still feel guilty, don't you darling," Magnus says softly and Alec's teeth grit together, his beautiful eyes darting away from Magnus. They'd spoken about Alec's misplaced guilt after the incident itself, once Alec had finished avoiding both Magnus and the conversation, but clearly it has done little to help. Magnus wishes Alec could see himself as Magnus saw him; could get him to realise it truly wasn't his fault. "Please, talk to me Alexander. Let me help."

Beneath his palms, Alec's hands clench and he continues to avoid Magnus' gaze. "Everyone keeps saying it's not my fault but they're wrong. _I_ killed Jocelyn. Clary _should_ blame me. I killed her mother, with my bare hands. Everything I thought I saw…it was true."

Ignoring the tendrils of ice that are forming heavy within him, Magnus tilts Alec's head so that he can stare directly in his eyes and attempt to convey his seriousness. "It wasn't you Alec. It was a demon under Valentine's orders. You were just as much a victim in this sweetheart," he says vehemently, repeating words he's already said before but hoping this time they might get through a little more.

"I should have been stronger, I should have fought it," Alec argues. His body is now thrumming with energy, a tense string ready to snap.

"There are very few recorded cases of someone managing to throw off demon possession. As extraordinary as you are Alexander, it would have been near impossible. No one expected of you, even if you expected it of yourself."

"I just…I can't help but feel like I could have, that if I'd been better, just tried a little harder I might've…," The raw anguish in Alec's voice tugs at Magnus' heartstrings. Damn Marys Lightwood for making her son feel like he would never be good enough. Damn her for making this incredible, gorgeous man before him feel anything less than perfect.

"You did all you could darling and I implore you to try and see that. I…I don't know what I would do if I lost you." Unable to resist, Magnus gathers Alec in a tight hug that the Nephilim returns just as forcefully, as if they are trying to merge into one. A thought strikes him.

"Let me show you just how much you mean to me," he whispers and with his magic he gathers every bit of love and adoration he holds for Alec and allows it to pour inside his boyfriend. Alec's breathe hitches once it begins, his arms winding further around Magnus as his body practically sags under the weight of the pure emotion coursing through him.

"You, you mean a lot to me too Magnus," Alec murmurs back, wonder in his voice. He presses his face into the crook of Magnus' neck. "I really am sorry for scaring you. I promise I don't plan on doing that, ever."

Magnus' body sinks slightly in relief. He hadn't realised just how much he needed to hear those words. "No apologies necessary love. I'm perfectly happy reminding you just how amazing you are every day nevertheless."

Alec lets out a quiet, almost disbelieving laugh. "You're the one who's amazing Magnus," he replies, resting his forehead against Magnus'. With a smile, the Warlock readjusts them until they're lying back down on the bed, face to face. Magnus strokes his fingers down Alec's cheek and the shadowhunter catches them, skin pink as he presses a kiss to his palm. Delighted, Magnus slowly dives in for a kiss of his own, relishing the slightly chapped lips that move lazily against his own. With no more words needing to be said, Magnus and Alec intertwine themselves, both sleeping peacefully for the rest of the night.


End file.
